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Death of a Spouse


missing my husband

August 10th 2004 my husband committed suicide. I was there and saw it all he did it with a shotgun and it was the most horrible thing I've ever seen. I know I will never get over it. There is not a day I don't miss him. He was my best friend and loved me more than anyone! We met when I was 15 years old and got married when I was 18.And March the 19th would have been our 27th anniversary and March 23rd he would have been 49 years old. He always got me anything I ever wanted and did everything for me he cooked,cleaned, shopped and washed and dried the clothes and waited on me hand and foot. He was my everything. We had 2 wonderful sons he saw my oldest get married and we had our 1st grandson who was born deaf., and he was 3 months old when my husband killed hisself. No one could possibly understand what I saw that night, and still have to deal with daily. There is not a day or week I don't miss him or I don't cry. And just watching TV can set me off and my family tells me its almost been 5 years you should be over it by now. I don't ever want to marry again because I never want to experience that kind of hurt again.My therapist talks to me at least once a week or at least every other week.And she seems to be the only one who understands what I'm going through , She tells me not to listen to people who tell me I'll get over it and should already be over it. She says because of the way it happened I didn't get closure and probably will never get over it . So I just take my days day by day and live minute by minute cause I never know whats gonna happen next. Because he had a very good job. And when he died I automatically lost everything and health insurance. And I have bad health on top of everything else. So if anyone wants to talk to me or try to encourage me, please write me.Or if anyone has experienced something like this.
Sincerely,
Keiths wife
  posted by keithswife on March 24, 2009


Comments:

Dear Keiths wife,
I am so sorry for your lost, my husband passed away on Feb.26,2009 and i can say i know how hard it is to lose your best friend because i have lost mine, we just had our 28th anniversary on Feb 6, and i feel like i just can't go on with out him, but what keeps me going is i know how much he loved me and i know that he would want me to keep going and that is how i get by from day to day, but this is the hardest thing i have ever had to go through, and i just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayer.

  posted by heartandsoul62 on March 24, 2009

Hello: I am sorry you are in so much pain. My brother in law commited suicide 9 yrs ago. My husband died 17 months ago. I feel scared and lonely most of the time and have gained 26 pounds since he died. I also walked away from a job I hated. My husband was an angel and he treated me like a queen. He did all the grocery shopping, helped clean the house and always made me great coffee every morning. I miss his huge smile and his beautiful kisses. Plus he always made me laugh. You are suffering from post traumatic stress. I know because I went through it. My husband died in my arms and I kept having flashbacks of that and him gasping out his last breath. I was a zombie for 3or 4 months. I got help and I was fine for while and then it does keep creeping back and forth and I cry out loud. I know in time when YOU finally can accept his death, then you can move on. I have not accepted my husband death yet but I know when I do it will be on my schedule, not someone else's. Everyone grieves differently. I hope you have a therapist who specializes in Grief. You will never get over what you have experienced, but one day you will accept it and then you can forgive yourself and start to live your life again. I want you to find peace and to be able to love again. I know God will send you someone to love you and take away all your pain.

  posted by SAM on May 09, 2009

Dear Keith's wife, I am so sorry for your loss. I had a friend commit suicide a year and a half ago and I knew how that made me feel, I can't imagine what you are going through. I lost my partner of twenty years a year ago. He died on my birthday of a heart attack. People who have not lost a spouse just don't get it, they don't understand. The hurt just never goes away. I just want you to know that someone out there read your story, and knows what you are feeling, or at least some of it. Chalie

  posted by chalie on May 26, 2009

i lost my loving husband on august 6 th 2005 he was out cutting grass and he died from a heart attack he was 64 years old we were married for 38 years when he died i miss him so much still today some people told me to get over it but how can you get over something that painful . i will always love him and i have good memories of him in my heart i will never love any one else for there is no one who can fill his shoes . i know what you are going through my friend dont listen to others when they tell you to get over it the pain will get easier but the memories are there forever i believe that some day we will meet again in heaven thank you for listening God Bless.... judy

  posted by lovedgirl on July 16, 2009