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Death of a Parent


what do i do now?

My Daddy passed away on Christmas eve. He was 72 years old. He was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in October of 2008. It started in his kidney and quickly spread throughout his body. He lived in my backyard before he got sick. He had only been here for 6 months. I have a one year old & he wanted to come help me with her. My husband is an over-the-road truck driver, so he's gone a lot. Daddy knew how it was since thats what he was also! He lost so much weight in those few months. He kept telling me I'm going to get better so I can go home. He fought. Sometimes I think he fought so hard just for me. I went to see him everyday in those hospitals. In the last days I told my brothers that he looked yellow. I was so niave! You see I was his baby. Daddys girl! He wasnt supposed to be sick. We all said our goodbyes. The boys did first. I waited. He was in so much pain. Seeing him lie there and gasp for air was the worst part. Everyone left out of his room finally. I told him one lie in my life and that was for him to let go. I would be okay with him being gone. Then i cried like a baby. I still do. Every night. Is it supposed to get easier? Its been almost 2 months. I have never gone this long without talking to him. he made everything ok. Who's gonna do that now?!!
  posted by daddysgirl29 on February 11, 2009


Comments:

Daddysgirl28,

I am SO sorry for your loss. I so know the hurt you feel as a daughter. I lost my dad Christmas Day of 2006. He was 63 and was diagnosed in June of 2006 with Lung Cancer that had moved into his bone, lymph nodes and liver. I saw my dad daily, at his barbershop, he was very close to my two children, and we were just a tight nit family as we were small. He worked very hard, his entire life except for the last 6 months of his life, he was such a good man to me and his family, let alone his friends. I do know for me, it has not gotten better. I was 30 when he passed away, and I felt I had to be strong for my mom and my son, who was very close to my dad, he was 12 when he passed, as time goes by, I thought, I will be stronger, but I am and always will be a daddys girl, and I share that emptiness of who is going to be there for me, I could always turn to him for a laugh or to help me out when I needed it. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but its been 2 years for me and it has not. He told me while he was sick, I would be "okay, and go on", I hate the thought of people forgetting him and I post a tribute each Christmas and on Fathers Day since he has passed. I just wish I could be helpful and I know it is not help that I share your feelings, but what we do have is the memories of our dads and the fact there are many who do not have the closeness we have with our dads. I feel so lucky to of had this man in my life and I could not of picked a better father....I love and miss him so much. The bond between a daughter and a father truly is special and you will never have another man like him in your life. I know the loss me and my children feel is great and I wish you the best of luck in dealing with what one never hopes to have happen. Reading what you say about his last moments, and him gasping for air, my dad went through the same, and I know it was the worst feeling ever seeing that man lay there, the strong one of our family, absolutely helpless. I will never forget that Christmas morning, he sent me home and told me to be with my kids, that he would see me in a bit when they placed him in a room, I was gone maybe 5 minutes and he passed away. I would of never left if I knew that was going to be the last time I saw him, so desperate to get comfortable and breathe, and he kept asking for the time, he even asked if he was going to die, I about fell out, how was I to answer that, I miss him so much and your post just so reminded me of my dad and his sickness and his last few moments.

  posted by Starlyte on February 14, 2009